holiday blues

Well, Rotary was right; they usually are. I doubted all of the perfected charts and statistics at the orientation conferences, but I guess they've been at this long enough to be able to put it down on paper. For me, that dip in the emotional roller coaster around December/January is right on; the holiday blues are real. They started right before our exchange student Christmas weekend in Nürnberg. I went into the weekend with mixed feelings. We had to take a German test to track our language progress, and as soon as I heard the word "test" I automatically dreaded going. No doubt I was excited to see everyone together for the first time since Berlin, but on the other hand it was the last time we would be all together with the group we have now. Most of the January Inbounds are heading home before our next Rotex ski-weekend in Oberstdorf in late January. I was looking forward to seeing Nürnberg, one of Bayern's most prominent cities. Then there was facing the fact that one of my fellow Americans had left his exchange a few days before. Everyone would be so confused, not to mention dissappointed, at his absence since none of them knew he had left. The weekend ended up being better than my pre-conceived dreading had led me to believe. The test wasn't completely excruciating- in fact it was easier than all of the high school Spanish tests I have taken in the past two years. I wish that I done better than I did, but it was a pretty good score for most of the new Inbounds and, hey, I passed. We spent Saturday morning at the Dokumentszentrum, which is where the history of Hitler's regime is housed. It was rather dumbfounding just how big Hitler's empire was. We've obviously learned about WWII and the Holocaust, but I never thought about the impact he had on his own people. With the monuments and stadiums he had built, I can understand the German people wanting to be proud of something like that, even under such horrible pretenses. In the afternoon, there was a full-blown exchange student snowball war. If you ever get the chance to see Brasilians playing in their first snow, it will make you smile. We headed to the ice stadium, some of us still shaking snow out of our ears, pants, and other nooks and crannies. Despite horrible skates and a packed rink, we exchange students managed to have fun. I spent most of my time helping those who had never even seen snow before, let alone tried on a pair of ice skates. What a sight that was. That night, even though I had an earsplitting headache, we headed out into the Nürnberger Christkindlesmarkt, which is apparently the "best" Christmas market in Bayern. On Sunday, I came home. I was tired from the weekend, sad from saying goodbye to those who I probably won't see again, and my headache was relentless. I was a bit miserable. I struggled through school on Monday and my host club's Christmas dinner. I felt like I just needed a good break down, which I got on Tuesday; I couldn't even get out of bed. I cried a lot. It hurt but it felt so good just to let it all out. I have been strong for almost 4 months and I deserved a good cry. After a chat with my mom and my best friend, Meagan, I did feel a bit better. Now, as I write this blog down in class, next to friends who have no idea how hard this life is at times, I think about what is going on in my life. I have one more day of school, then 2 weeks of break. Maybe I'll go swimming and to the Friedberger Christkindlesmarkt with my host parents this afternoon. I have English next hour. It's raining and my boots aren't amazingly waterproof. I still miss my family, but there is truly nothing to be done about that. So, I can either: A: wallow in self-pity at the life decision I made or B: suck it up and enjoy what opportunities I have, knowing how proud my support system back home is of me. I'm going with plan B. Holiday Blues aren't fun, but the holiday season is a time to be happy and only I have the power to change my attitude this Christmas. Whatever you celebrate, have a wonderful holiday and a happy New Year! See you in 2011!--sjinternational.

'tis the season

Christmas is in the air. Snow keeps falling, lights illuminate the streets of every city, town and village, and the smell of glühwein- a traditional drink that is much more popular than eggnogg ever was- fills the christkindelmarkts that line the streets. Last weekend I went to a christkindelmarkt in Mering with my friend Sophia. I ended spending the weekend with her, becoming friends with her friends and dominating Sing-Star, partly due to the fact that all of the songs were in English. We made a record amount of plätchen (Christmas cookies) at her grandma's farm, where I met some of the cows and their babys. My host father has been away for about a week now, leaving me either alone or with my host mother every day after school. I feel like this time together has helped us get to know eachother a lot better. They always said get on your host mother's good side. I'm not sure if my host mother has a bad side per say, but I don't plan on finding out. Together we went to a Weihnachtsfeiern (Christmas Party) with the group of people I walked with in the Oktoberfest Parade way back in September. She took me to München to meet my friend Lily and we went to the München Christkindelmarkt, which is by far the biggest one I've been to. I ended up going to see Harry Potter 7 in German with my host mother and then, naturally, to the Augsburg Christkindelmarkt. It's safe to say that I'm all Christkindelmarkt-ed out. Yesterday was the third day of Advent, meaning there are now 3 burning candles on the wreath we made two weeks ago. Coming up in my life are some exciting things. Tomorrow, my class is heading to München to see 'A Christmas Carol'. Friday, I leave for Nürnberg for our Rotary Weihnachtswochenende with the other exchange students. I'd be more excited if we didn't have a Deutsch language test. I'm pretty comfortable communicating but tests just ruin any kind of confidence I've built up. It's also the last time we will be all together with our current group. The Australians and New Zealanders and a couple others will be leaving in January. That means that some of the people I've become really good friends with will be gone. Not exactly the most cheerful situation. In two weeks, our Weihnachtsferien starts! No school for two weeks! I am supposed to take snowboarding lessons after Christmas with Sophia. At the start of the New Year, my host parents are taking me to Berchtesgaden in southeast Germany where my host mother's parents have a house. See. Exciting things. Sidenote Story: Last weeks I gave a small presentation in my English class over the American High School. Through pictures and anecdotes, I gave my peers an idea of how my school life is back in the U.S. I got so many comments about how cool school looks in the USA and one boy bluntly stated, "I'm coming home with you." It was really interesting to explain my high school. It made me realize how much I miss the spirit, the classes, and yes, even some of the teachers. I'm excited to go into my Senior year with a whole new outlook. As I said, only two weeks until Christmas break and, like the rest of the student population, I'm counting down the days!--sjinternational

falling

November has come to a close and sadly, we've left autumn as a thing of the past. Falling has become the theme of my life now. The first is the snowfall. I've woken up to a shining, white layer of snow for about a week now. I've never been a huge fan of the frozen water, but it certainly brings a sense of cozy, Christmas cheer with it. It also brings me to my second fall: me simply falling. With the first overnight freeze I fell off my bike on the way to school. I'm talking complete wipeout on the main road outside my apartment. I've fallen up and down the stairs in my house numerous times in the past week, leaving my body bruised from the cold marble and me running on ibuprofen. I spent the past Sunday in München falling in love with the Christmas market called Tollwood and the French-Canadian show 7 Fingers: Traces that we saw. I've never seen a show that I enjoyed so thoroughly. I also spent much of Sunday and Monday falling down laughing with my friend Hayley from Australia. I had an astoundingly good time with her.

Here comes the fall with the hardest landing: falling apart. It happens occasionally. I can't pretend that this exchange all snowflakes and Christmas cheer, because it's far from it. There are so many times a day that I have to ask myself "Why am I even here?". I say, "Sarah Jane, you have such a great life at home, why are you giving that up for even a second? You must be absolutely bonkers, girl." And maybe I am. I have given up a year with parents I adore, friends who know me better than I do, a dog who is on his home-stretch of life, and most of all, comfort in my life. This is what I chose. Every cloud has a silver lining, though. I can't remember the details of my last miserable night or day here, but I can vividly recall the pure joy I felt in the happy times: My new school friends taking me to ice cream for my sweet sixteen, going to see Blue Man Group with district 1840 in Berlin, Seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with my friends in München, Lily spending the weekend here, going to Tollwood with Hayley. Notice anything about my moments of happiness? They all exist because of the people I was with. So, you see, I may be miserable sometimes, but for me, the fleeting moments of joy to remember or to look forward to somehow make everything worth it. I want to stress something to any prospective exchange students (Rotary or otherwise): Make sure that a year of exchange is what you want. It's a big decision and a year is a long time. I applied on a whim, although I knew I wanted to study abroad, but it still wasn't as though I knew what I was getting myself into. Don't arrive and after three months decide that was enough. Rotary isn't for everyone and other programs can be just as fufilling. I know people who have made a mistake in choosing Rotary as their program and they have left their exchanges early. Although I support their courage to correct their path, it is always sad to see someone leave. Find something that works for you. I promised to write the truth in this blog and this is as raw as it gets.

On that delightful note, I begin falling into place (again). I believe that Rotary is right for me, if not for the program then for the people I've met through it. The people I have gotten to know and the things I have learned have convinced me that although a whim, my choice was right for me. I'm okay with the lonliness and getting better at dealing with the occasional misery. As I head into winter and more slippery accidents, I'm sure, I keep myself busy with friends and the ever entertaining book selection I have on my Kindle, Luka. I'm looking forward to my first skiing experience and holidays with a new family. Break out the advent calendars and brace yourself for Christmas: Winter is officially here.--sjinternational

erutedankfest - thanksgiving

Danke/Thanks. I have used this word a ridiculous amount in the past 3 months. In perspective, I don't believe I've said it enough. My first thanks is to Rotary International. This is my life right now. Thank you for this exchange that is teaching me how to appreciate the life that I have. I'll never be able to thank my parents enough for my life, my idols, and my best friends. I'm thankful for the McGaw YMCA Camp Echo, where I learned to enjoy life and be myself without any inhibitions. The list continues in no particular order: my friends. My brother. GLEE. My pets. Good movies. Good books. Peanut butter and Nutella (which are NOT the same thing). My mom's cooking. My dad's smile. Sunshine. Blue skies. Ellen Degeneres. My bed. Smartwool socks. Good music. Chicago. Public transportation. Meeting new people. Hot chocolate. The list will always grow, but these are just a few things.

Now, when Rotary talked to all of us about the "Holiday Blues", they were talking about Christmas time. I think that for me that starts now, with Thanksgiving rolling around. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday with all the food and family. I'm not unhappy where I am. I actually have a lot going on in my life that I'm excited about, but there is an unpleasant feeling that come with the revelation that life goes on without you on the other side of the world. At first, I had this illusion that life in the US would cease to exist while I'm living my life here, but that's not the case. A bit of advice to future exchange students: try not to feel excluded and remind yourself that it was you who chose to leave them.

One last thanks before we wrap up this post. I'm so amazingly thankful for the friends I've met in Germany. My fellow exchange students have become shoulders to cry on, comedians to laugh with and peers to confide in. I wouldn't be able to make it through the year if I didn't know they were going to be right there with me the whole way. Happy Thanksgiving.--sjinternational

time, expectations, and fairytale castles

After the Berlin trip with Rotex, which set my new standard of fun, I thought November was going to be long and torturous as I wait for our next exchange student gathering in December. I quickly figured out that life isn't pre-planned and I can't live from Rotary event to Rotary event. That is no way to enjoy exchange or life. With a little prompting from my mom, I took matters into my own hands. She reminded me that I have the resources to make things happen and if I haven't tried then I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. Wise words of a mother. In less than two days, I had made plans to meet a friend in Augsburg and now my best friend on exchange, Lily from Canada, is coming to spend the weekend with me. Now, November is halfway over. I'm not counting the months in anticipation to go home, but as an exchange student time is both a friend and an enemy. It's hard not to be constantly thinking about time. I've been here 2 and a half months already. My friend Hayley only has a month and a half left of her exchange. That will be me in 6 months. But who's counting? This is how my mind is constantly working. Not to mention trying to keep up with the language 24/7. I do feel like the language is always getting better, but I find I'm always tired from the overtime work my brain has to do. Language remains the main obstacle in life. I don't have any intense homesickness. However, the thing I miss the most is comfort. I miss being absolutely at ease in my own home or being such good friends with someone that their home is yours as well. That's a luxury I don't have here. I may be part of my host family, but at the moment I feel as if they will always only be my HOST family and I'm still a guest in their home. I've realized this month that exchange, put simply, is life with more challenges. If anyone reading this blog is thinking of going on exchange to fufill their European dream, they should get that out of their heads right now. I was a bit naive and thought more of travel opportunities than being content with life as it is. You know how it goes: the grass is always greener in France when you're in Italy. A lot of Rotary clubs are different. Some are really laid back with their exchange students, whereas others, like mine, are very straight-laced and don't let me do much without consulting the rulebook. It's frustrating when I don't have the same opportunities as the other exchange students and sometimes it feels like I can't sneeze without asking permission, but I know they really care about me and are simply following the rules. I do have amazing opportunities with Rotary and my family, but most of the time I should let them come to me instead of constantly seeking them out. Which brings me to my last point. The beautiful air over the Alps from the Mediterranean called Fühn that I love so much visited Bavaria last weekend. The weather was absolutely fabulous and this resulted in a trip to Schloss Neuschwanstein. King Ludwig II's fairytale castle truly is out of a dream. Whatever he wanted, it was incorporated into the architechture. That's probably why he was cut-off and declared insane. You can't always get what you want... After 16 years of building, only 16 rooms were finished (and even the throne room is missing the most important feature.) He only lived in the castle for a total of 400 and something days before he mysteriously died in a lake nearby with the doctor who declared him insane. His family only waited 4 weeks after his death to open the castle to the public. It was a huge money maker then and it still is today. There's a little history lesson for you. I do pay attention when I go on tours. I ran into another exchange student at the entrance of the castle: Enrique from Argentina. We ended up going on the tour together. To get the best view of the castle, we went up to the Marienbrücke. It is a bridge over a gorge just behind the castle. Although it is beautiful, it's not exactly reassuring to feel the wooden boards moving under the weight of 50+ people. It was a pretty perfect day. After that beautiful weather, the snow came today. It will be a while before it coats the ground, but winter is in the air!--sjinternational

quoting berlin

This past week was easily the best of my exchange so far. I will never again take for granted the happiness that comes with being with a group of people that I love. Distrikt 1840 is wonderful. Our Rotex organized everything for our trip to Berlin and I'm sure that keeping track of 34 exchange students in the largest city in the country isn't the easiest feat. I appreciate them so much and probably will never be able to thank them enough for the experience. The trip began on Sunday, October 31st at Augsburg Hauptbahnhof. It was extremely exciting to see everyone trickle into Augsburg by 11:30 p.m. We left on our bus and headed north. There's one thing about a bus full of exchange students: it's not very quiet. It took about 4 hours for everyone to quiet down and sleep. By then, the sun was coming up and we were almost to Berlin. This was where the sleep deprivation started. Upon arrival in Berlin, we checked into the hostel and made our first museum visit to "The Story of Berlin", where we got to see a real bomb shelter that thankfully was never used. This would be the first of MANY museums. We went to Germany's largest shopping mall, KaDeWe. IT WAS HUGE. I had the traditional Berliner Currywurst for lunch and it was delicious. We had dinner at the hostel and spent the night doing karaoke in the hostel's bar. Bedtime was about 2 a.m.: Alarm was set for 7:30, breakfast at 8. Day 2 was spent in Potsdam, just outside of Berlin. We visited Cecilienhof, the place where the Potsdam Conference took place during World War II. It was also where the orders to drop the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were issued. Then we travelled to Schloss Sanssouci, where the most beautiful gardens are and walked through the Holland section of Potsdam. We spent the afternoon and had lunch in Potsdam. A couple of us found a great Thai restaurant where I had really good Pad Thai. That night we went to a club. It was my first club! At first, we were the only people there, but once others started showing up and the dance floor started filling, it was more fun. Once again, another late night. Day 3 started off with the Bundestag, or the German Government building. It was amazing how there was such a blend of modern and classic architechture. The dome was a really cool addition to the building. We made our way to the Brandenburg Gate, just down the block. Lunch was my first doner. It was delicious. We went to the Memorial and museum of the Jewish people killed in the Holocaust. It was a beautiful memorial, but if the true number of lives lost was represented, the memorial would have been about the size of Berlin itself. It was hard to read the letters in the museum from children to their parents saying that they are going to die soon. It hit home. The rain decided to show up as we had to walk through the city to the GDR Museum. At least we got the rain as part of the experience. We had the option to go to the club again that night, but a bunch of the Englisch speaking kids stayed back and hung out in the hostel. It's amazing how amusing YouTube can be... Our last full day was spent at Checkpoint Charlie. I found it amusing that right next the Checkpoint Charlie, which was the entrance of the AMERICAN sector, lay a McDonald's. Down the street there was also a Starbucks. We had Thai again for lunch. I had Pad Thai, but the waitress accidentally gave me a different entree at first which I ate half of, THEN she gave me the Pad Thai. I was full from 2 entrees for the price of one! The Rotex told us that our itinerary that night consisted of a Rotary meeting in Berlin so we should dress nice. JUST KIDDING! They took us to see Blue Man Group in one of the theatres! It was absolutely amazing! That was the highlight of my week, along with spending time with other exchange students. It was sad to come home. After a week of weightlessness, I was coming back to reality with bad German and a longing to spend more time with my friends. I haven't laughed so hard since I left the USA. Hopefully I can get together with some exchange students before our next gathering in December. That seems too far away for me. Now it's time to come back to life in Friedberg, without exchange students and with daily challenges. I'm a bit of a funk or Post-Berlin Depression. Once the week starts again, life will go back to normal. I have one more week of Deutschkurs and then I return to Realschule. I hope this was an enjoyable recap of my week of bliss.--sjinternational -Me on top of the dome of the Bundestag

The Dome Brandenburg Gate

BLUE MAN GROUP!

ich bin sat!

This week was a good week. By 'good week', I mean I always had something to do. The first exciting thing took place on Wednesday. I was the closest to having tee with royalty as I ever will be. This is how something like this happens: I have an exchange friend, who has a host mom, who's the vet of a duchess' pets. Connections are good in life. We drove to Schloss Kircheim in Baden-Wurttemberg to meet Angela, a duchess who still inhabits one of Bayern's castles. She answered the giant door in the garage bigger than my house wearing jeans, a flannel shirt, and a vest. That's when I decided I was going to like her. He two dogs, Othello and Sirius, were named after two of literature's great works: Shakespeare's 'Othello' and J.K Rowling's 'Harry Potter'. While the vet checked out the dogs, much to their dismay, we had a private tour of the castle. You know those thick ropes that forbid entry in castles or museums? We were allowed to go right through them. I loved being able to see the ins and outs of the castle. I couldn't believe that she still lived there! Who has gold trim and 400 year old paintings in their office?! Angela. After the tour we had tee with a duchess. I just like saying that. She is a past governor for Rotary, so she was very interested in us and how we like exchange. She spoke great Englisch and complimented our German. She was really funny and used so much facial expression I had the flashing image of me being her when I'm older (without the title, of course). That night, my Kindle arrived! My mom and I decided that my tearing through books and her sending me more was a ridiculous idea, so she bought me a Kindle, which I named Luka. He is wonderful and I spent the next afternoon playing with him. On Friday, I went home with my friend Marisa, who is living in Augsburg. Her host mom and Oma cook so well that I was very excited to have lunch. We had a wonderful lasagna. Then we watched 'Wall Street'. Instead of them putting it in German with Englisch subtitles for Marisa and I, which would have made sense, they put it in Englisch with ENGLISCH subtitles. I've never understood the language they speak on Wall Street, but I got the jist of it. I have no idea how the others fared... Saturday was the highlight. Manuela and Henner took me to Munchen! We saw the main points of interest for tourists: churches, government buildings, breweries. It was a gross day, weather-wise, but the city was beautiful. One of my favorite things I saw was a memorial to 'Die Weisse Rose' by the Bayern Parliament building. 'The White Rose' was an organization of students in Munich who stood against Hitler and were killed for it. I couldn't have imagined how much I'd be affected by the significance of the act until I saw it. It's something I'll never forget. We wandered through the city and stopped at an Italian cafe where I was practically eating my hot chocolate, it was so thick. By the time the Sun burned through the clouds, it was a sunset. We headed to Jetzendorf, where Manuela's sister lives, to celebrate her sister's birthday. I was able to keep up with parts of the conversation, which made me feel really good. Also, the food was magnificent. The last time I was that full was my last dinner in the USA, but at that time there was a knot taking up half of my stomach telling me I was crazy for embarking on this journey. This time, it felt much better accompanied with laughter and happiness. There was so much laughter that I couldn't help joining in, even if I didn't really understand the jokes. They could have been laughing at me for all I know, but it was funny! It was a very satisfying night. I love my German family and they remind me a lot of the people I love back home. Hopefully today I will be riding a horse! Our neighbor, Norbert, has two horses and he's invited me to ride, but we've had to put it off all week. Flexibility is a wonderful thing to learn as an exchange student. Things are always changing right under my nose and it's good to just roll with it. Well, I have one more week until I'm with my distrikt 1840 exchange friends again for our Berlin trip and I can't wait! Until then, ciao!--sjinternational Tee with Duchess Angela Die Weisse Rose memorial: der Widerstands= 'resistance' Munchen Rathaus: Imagine a town hall like that!

With my host mom, Manuela in the Rathausplatz

'Ich bin sat!' = 'I am satisfied!'